May 2017: The story of how I fucked up last month

May 2017 is my catch up. Let’s start with the April Wrap-Up

I didn’t go to the gym once in April. Neither did my other half. Instead we spent the month alternating between being sick, having asthma attacks, and anxiety. Also dying from bleach fumes because three+ months from our first complaint and the council we rent from STILL don’t think black mould is an issue that can’t be solved by having the window open all the time throughout the coldest part of the year. Fucking genius. I honestly wish I’d thought of that. You know, between breathing in cigarette smoke that seeps up from the flat below and freezing my fucking arse off because who the fuck would put the heating on with a window wide open.

Seriously- leaking window frames, blown double glazing (that they’ve been told about frequently for the last 6 years) and three months sine we were promised the inspector would call to make an appointment and STILL nothing. It is BEYOND beyond a joke.

~breathes~

I also didn’t finish writing Cassie. In all fairness, I was busy working on putting a portfolio together for a tattooing apprentice interview. So now my brain is alternating between excitement and crushing disappointment. Because I have a dick-brain.

Thoughts for May

Bullet Journal Mat Title Page with Monthly Goals
Bullet Journal Mat Title Page with Monthly Goals

So let’s try this shit again, shall we?

Weight Loss & Health – I think the core realisation is that I am trying to do too much. Weight loss blogging wise I am too busy, tired and lazy to update every week. Besides, my weight fluctuates too much on a weekly basis. The way forward is clear: I weigh myself on the first of the month and set my goals accordingly. On May 1st I was 302.2lbs. Basically I lost 1lb all month. Since I didn’t go to the gym at all I’m counting it as a win. Target this month is to get to the gym at least twice a week and mark it in my journal so I can keep track of it. Bugger the whole 5 days a week thing for now- I need to build back up to it.

Writing – Allowing myself to plot, plan and write a 70,000ish word story is unrealistic. Stupidly unrealistic. Last month I seemed to crack the plotting and planning part of Cassie’s 1st book, so I’m giving myself another month to write it. I’ve broken everything down into scenes rather than chapters and 250-500 words is easy enough rather than facing 5000 words every day. Hell, this blog will be 440 words by the end of this sentence, so it’s doable, right?

Work – Freelancing is going okay. I’m not inundated; I’ve got enough work coming in to put food on the table. I also have a potential part-full time job with one start up company and a possible apprenticeship with another. Both are in areas of work I enjoy and love even if they are polar opposites, and I’ll still have time for writing if one or both of them come off. It’ll be a weight off our minds to know we’ve got money coming in to rent privately. Speaking of which:

Home – Doesn’t look like we’re moving any time soon, so it’s time to make the most of this place. Tiny, cramped and crappy as it is we could be much worse off so I think it’s time to seriously start thinking about space, vertical storage and creative solutions to not having much of either. It’s a depressing shithole in a crappy area, but it’s better than nothing. We’ll just make the best of it for now.

And now for the fun stuff.

Last month I did a little tarot reading. This month I’m gonna do a 1 card draw. The question I’m asking: What’s the general direction this month is going to take?

Answer:

The Druid Craft - 6 of Pentacles
The Druid Craft – 6 of Pentacles

Keywords – Generosity | Patronage | Gifts

My Interpretation – Overall there is a sense of peace and balance to the card, which is good because that’s pretty much what I’m struggling towards. The first thing to catch my eye was the empty bowl. The bowls tend to contain water and water is associated with emotion and creativity in this deck. I figure this is symbolic of running on fumes. It’s a warning not to push myself too hard, or spread myself too thin. I need to take time to consider if these things are advantageous.

The Hermit is also giving gold coin away. My interpretation is that the gold is time. I think this is also a reminder that I should carefully consider to whom and to what I give my time. I need to make sure, as best I can, that where I invest my time is beneficial to me and enriches my life in some way, rather than squandering it on frivolities that aren’t doing anything good for anybody.

It ain’t all doom and gloom though. Even though there’s snow on the ground and for all intents and purposes it’s winter, there is still fruit on the tree. Pentacles represent earthly rewards so I think the overall message of this card is to figure out the right thing. After that I can lay down the groundwork. I do that, I can reap rewards later – hopefully in the form of knowledge, skill and money.

Overall Message – Invest time wisely to benefit myself and others. Rewards/wisdom will come in time.

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