It’s been done a million times before, but I don’t care. I’m going through something of an existential crisis at the minute so I’m going to jump on the bandwagon and do this because why the fuck not?.
Exit swiftly if you don’t want to read anything whiny, because that’s all it pretty much is from here on out.
In a nutshell
It’s like this: It’s as if I can feel myself getting older with every passing second, and at the same time I’m constantly aware that everyone of those seconds is another example of me getting nothing done, of not making anything of my life, of being in my 30’s and still living a shitty existence in a place I hate with no real career prospects.
On some level I know this is all in my head and I’m causing myself unnecessary pressure and anxiety- so I procrastinate. I scroll through twitter or pinterest and avoid thinking about the crushing weight of my own mortality.
I know there’s no panacea for this- it’s me that’s the problem, but I’m coming to terms with my weakness’ and it seems laziness is the worst of them. It’s easier for me to scroll through the internet instead of making myself write, or draw. It’s so much easier to find ways to pass the time online.
Where to go from here
A while back I used a little browser app called LeechBlock to cut off all access to social network sites like facebook, youtube and twitter. I’ll admit, it took me a while to get used to it. That said, I did find my productivity went up with regards to writing. For a little bit at least. After that I found other ways to distract myself online.
In the end I sank back into my usual habits- although I did delete my facebook account which has been an enormous emotional weight off my mind. (I swear, if I hear another bloody word about bloody Brexit, I will kill someone.)
So here’s the plan. No internet during the week. Some internet on Sunday morning, just to catch up with stuff, post snippets and reply to non urgent stuff. Also an hour or so on a Monday when I have my French lesson.
The only caveat I’m making is for work related stuff with clients. Other than that: no internet for the rest of the month. I want to see what my productivity is like when I have no distractions. You never know, I might actually start writing something of worth. It’d make a change from sitting around with my finger up my arse.
My internet dies at 9am Tuesday 9th May. Let’s see how well I do.